“You are everyone you hate and it’s ruining your life”

“I’m going to do it” by Giles Corey is my emotional anthem.

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If you listen to Corey’s song for the first time you may concern yourself with the thought that I am suicidal, I can understand this sentiment, but I want to reassure you this song hides a silver lining.

Consider this from the song:

I’m going to remove myself
remove myself
remove myself
I’m going to remove myself
so there won’t be nothing left

Because you are everyone you hate
when you’re asleep or awake
all the choices you’ve made

I kept on repeating “Because you are everyone you hate/ when you’re asleep or awake/ all the choices you’ve made.” I decided to make a list of the times when I compared myself to others. Here is what I have (for the most part):

  • That time I wished I could fit into Abercrombie & Fitch clothing, because that was the fashion in Upstate New York, and those types of girls were the ones who created acronyms  with their “bff’s,” with the first letter of their names (often times they were long; the popular species procreate rapidly).
  • That time I wish I could afford all the “name brands” because, again, it was the fashion in Upstate New York, and those type of girls had the cute boyfriends and had the most friends on MySpace (GAH remember those days!).

Honestly, as I am writing this a part of me clenches the keyboard. WHY THE FUCK DID I CARE SO MUCH?

WHY THE FUCK DID I CONSTANTLY COMPARE MYSELF TO OTHERS AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE AND INTO ADULTHOOD?

HOW DID I LET MYSELF SUCCUMB TO THIS SELF-DEPRECATING FEELING?

Giles Corey was right, is right.

All the times I compared myself to others, I started to become dissatisfied with who I was, borderline loathing. Funny to think it took a Giles Corey song to make me realize that I had such a negative view of myself because I wasn’t always being myself, I was busy trying to be someone else.

In a field of roses, each rose has a different shape petal, different amount of thorns. They differ in lengths and in tones of reds. If you look close enough you will notice that not all roses are the same, and you will understand that our differences are necessary.

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So what if that rose has too many thorns?

So what if that rose is more red than this one?

So what if that rose has more leaves?

Difference is necessary and natural. Nothing is ever made the same for a reason. The world needs a rose with a lot of thorns just like the world needs you.

If you haven’t heard this enough in your life – just as I haven’t heard this enough in my young adult life – I want you all to carry this with you:

I love you and you are absolutely necessary to this world. I am incredibly proud of you. My rose with the many thorns, my rose with little to no thorns, my small rose, and elaborate one, you are incredibly necessary among the field of roses.

 

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